Monday, October 8, 2012

Forgiveness.

Ain't an easy task.
I am grateful having clerics in my world, healing me inside out.
All weighs unloaded, as light as a feather, I no longer hold on to grudges.

sasa;
As long as this peace goes on, with you around.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Words that couldn't be articulated with short tongue 

Soul that could never be comprehended.

Anyone would be easily deemed as evil as devil is, just by one misunderstood move.
Now I pity the ones always having troubles to bring themselves across to be seen are usually the ones that have been neglected by the world of livings.
You never try your best, you will never know what you would get yet what happened is that whenever you tried with your innermost and yet it failed, you would most probably be hating the fact that you still have a heart that hold grudges and a brain that remains beautiful memories.

sasa;
Stop trying, only someone who makes an effort would see your existence worth purity.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Define the word: Home.
I have two, yet I merely have just my shadows as companion.

The mankind selfishness and selflessness, cause ironically little dramatic butterfly effect to every single changes made, just like a contaminate virus, from a person to another.
Human; are greedy creatures who crave to posess once having the taste of luxury.
So does your mum, your dad or anyone you stick to daily.
How far can you go on giving, giving endlessly of what you have.
Have you ever tried surrendering life of your own, dangling within fingers of another's?

I tried, and that's my say.

sasa;
We are just one and other's stepping stone to cross the wave.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

When I was young, answers could only be yes or no..

Monday, July 23, 2012

Go ahead, go ahead and mock at my state.

2 years ago I was boosting how blissful I would be, yet 2 years after, I am nothing more than a torn soul.
I came to understand, my overwhelming love killed myself.
I was certain when I proclaimed to be someone noble, especially to my little sweet heart Mical.
It hit me right in the face, when I realized it wasn't that case.
However determined I am it works in a pair, I can't do it myself.

I thought I was someone who love endlessly, give in dearly and I wouldn't mind even doing anything for this family.

For the last two years, I faced depression, anorexia, insults and criticisms from both his friends and husband.
Oh, you can save your breathe talking out to Melvin.
His ego has went so high up and he has changed too much from the one I knew.
And Melvin friends, if you are reading this.
Seriously, I don't need a husband who needed indulgence himself forsaking himself as a father of one.
Take it, please spare me no more.

I wouldn't describe my life as total misery, I did enjoy myself up till last year.
It's great to know that I am still a human, I do have my limited and I do gave up on things.
I wasn't that mighty to pull the family together when Melvin is never not there for us.
Since Mical was born, he did bring me and Mical down for a walk once, however that was more than half a year ago, 
I could only come up with an answer, I am asking too much of him.
I am so sorry, I am tired of being alone all the time, lying to myself that this family will work up some days.
放开了拳头，反而更自由。


sasa;
Every woman deserves to be loved.
After all these commitments, I constantly ask myself, "why not me?"

Friday, April 29, 2011

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

1. Regular Tiger beer promoter - $25 per hour for new girls - If they are pretty can do event, no need to sell just serve.



2. Regular Liquor promoter - $30 per hour for male and female - is good they can drink and can provide sales figure



3. Event models – Event model for Callaway. Timing TBC - rate at least $40 per hour.



4. 5th & 6th March OCBC event, need 10 models for the event.



5. 11th March, Martell Lor Event, job scope is to serve, usher and welcome guests.



6. Need 16 fun loving models for golf event in end March or early April.



All the talents and models must fill up the application form and send us 4 to 5 photo. (Solo picture with face shot, half and full body).



Requirements are



- present looking

- at least 1.6m and above for Female

- at least 1.74m and above for Male


Please contact me if you are interested in any jobs.

menu_3@hotmail.com Email subject JOBS

Sunday, January 16, 2011

This might be the last entry I post before I get admitted into hospital.
I woke up this morning with a slight stain of blood on my undergarment.
ITS A SIGN OF LABOUR!

I called and asked my mum if I should just go hospital and my mum said if its really just a little then wait til contraction comes or the volume increase.
Now that I am feeling cramp in my stomach again, I dont know what it is because for the past few days I have been feeling cramp in the stomach on and off.
First time delivery indeed scares me alot.

Aww~ Baby Mical, please promise mummy to be a healthy baby.
I might not be the best mum on earth.
Neither could I provide you with the best diaper or milk powder nor the most luxury life, I promise I'll do all my best in everything for you.
I am going to take a bath now, it might be the last one for the month.


I love you baby, see you soon (:

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Monday, January 3, 2011

Monday, November 29, 2010

Maybe this is call soon to be mummy's depression

Everything is alright! but I just cant stop worrying about the future.
When it comes to a point when everyday all you hear are negative comments, it really sucks.
At first you can come comforting and convincing yourself that you are strong enough to prove them wrong.

I used to be real positve! sadly, not anymore.
I hate mentioning / reminding myself all the criticism I've received.
I would rather swallow them down, hoping one day they would all vanish!
You can never imagine how hasty comments can be, specially coming from faces you know.
I start to worry, maybe.. they are right.

Not only do I fear what they say would come true, I get less and less confident about myself.
Everything about myself. Be it my appearance, my capabilities and abilities.
Maybe I've been caged for long and too much restrictions have been applied to young mummy, I start to doubt myself.

I admitted, I used to be such a vain person that sometimes I even wear my makeup to sleep.
And today, I hardly touch my makeupkit.
Pregnancy at fault and I realised since I could, I would spend the cosmetics value on baby chan.

My dad used to paid me well for school allowance!
And my part time job allowed me to earn up to thousand even when I am still schooling.
I seriously regretted not saving the money, not a single cent left from entertainments and food.
And today I am stucked at home, earning through my mini scale online shop.
Barely 200hundred a month, how pathetic.
Yea, no more allowance from daddy and I am struggling to save enough with what I earn for my poly fee next year if that could lessen my hubby's burden.

Tender loving care.
My love seems to have his own way of thinking and doing.
Stop being jealous, I wish I have some friends who could accompany me through the night too when I am down.



Sometimes I wish, I am just a friend.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Nowadays, kids are the new kings.

Back in my times, there was no computer, no laptop, no pager, no phone, no gaming gadgets and living environment was poor.
( In order to save the electricity bill, sometimes we dont even bear to on the fan, let alone the air-con)

And the kids think they are not given enough.

Soon to be mother says:

I know its hard on them but I couldnt see exactly how much parents have to gave up seriously.
I am soon becoming parent too and I finally see ALL PARENTS's contribution.
Stop asking for more and thank god you are born.
Your parents dont have to go through such hectic workload, bring you up and put up a fight with you everyday.
If you think your situation is bad enough, it just because you have been in a comfort zone and yet seen the worst scenario.

The first you could thank, aint your god sister / god brother or your lover.
Have you forgotten who save up all the hard earn money for your diapers and milk formula? Who cried when you fell seriously ill? Who gave you a 'normal' life and a shelter over your head?
ITS YOUR PARENTSWHO NAG AT YOU EVERYDAY
Things that you dont remember doesnt means they haven happen before.
Or have it became a habit for you to take their deeds for granted?
Credit them. You dont have to repay them through cash or cheque.
Appreciation. Fillial piety. Cherish what you have.
Show your parents some respect they deserve.
Even they have done you wrong, reflect on your own behavior, haven you done tons more mistakes? I bet no parents want your apologies more than you leading a healthy life.

If you are sensible enough, make no one worries for you.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Hubby, I miss you so much ♥

My sister will be taking off to Hongkong for holiday tomorrow morning with her boyfriend.
Looks like I gonna be real bored at home.
Bon Voyage

Expected Due Date
012011
3more months to Mical
arrival

Sunday, October 17, 2010

We had on dinner at Plaza Singapura's Tomato with Sheryl and JJ on the 16th October!
Their price is reasonable and steak is yummy!
Highly recommended!

There he goes again, this time to Australia;Queensland.
A 3 weeks trip, be returning on the 8th November 3am!
We woke up this morning 7am and made our way to the airport.
My feet seems to have rooted and grounded, refusing to leave a inch away from him.
The parting scene is always miserable.
Well well, he'll be back soon (:


HOW DID I FOUND OUT ABT MY PREGNANCY

I did not realise that I missed my period for 2months til my body became feeble and I lost my appetite.
Melvin was complaining that I am such a sleephead that I could even fall asleep on his bike!
I thought my health was deteriorating and went to see sinsehs.
Mical was named after the word miracle because the sinsehs tried poking my tummy with eletric needles and treated me like a piece a mince pork on the bed while they crack my bones like as if I dont have any. I even brewed and drank the awful medicine for a week, hoping it would 'heal' me.
We are SAFE couple that is why I've never thought myself of getting pregnant.
The only time that we did not take precaution was during my period on our holiday trip at KL.
I sweared that was the only time!
Melvin used to be a biology student in his secondary school life and he claimed that menstruation will only occur when the female eggs died, so there is no way getting pregnant!
Even the doctor said it is so!
Looks like biology failed because that one and only time came Mical.
I still remembered we were catching a movie at Angmokio hub, while waiting for our show to start, I randomly bought a pregnancy kit because watsons is having sale -.-
I thought it was my first time using and I might have misused the pregnancy kit when it shows double red lines. Getting paranoid, we went to a private clinic at hougang and get it tested again.
Pregnancy checkup was real expensive at private clinic, it cost us 105SGD with an answer " Yes, its positive. You're pregnant!"

I was quite firmed with my decision that I want an abortion and even scheduled it on the week after.
I didnt want my whole life to be tumbled down 'just because I'm pregnant' I thought. There are too much that I've to sacrifice bearing this child.
Melvin agreed too, we said we were just too young for it.
On the same week, I was asked to make my way down to the actual clinic where abortion will be held for another checkup.
I went alone as Melvin was still in camp.
This time round I undergo ultrasound and it was the first time I met Mical.
His heart was beating on the screen.
Small, and alive.
While waiting for the payment, I peeped through the doorslip and saw the abortion threater.
It's a heartfelt thing, I dont know why my tears flow and it just wouldnt stop.
Something pulled me back and I started convincing myself to keep this baby. But I couldnt convince Melvin.

For days, I kept crying knowing I will be losing him soon.
I have no one to speak to and I didnt dare to speak about it.
Abortion date drew nearer and I couldnt hold it anymore.
I called my godbrother who just got married too and he passed his phone to Evirna, his wife.
Evirna told me things that I haven realised or should I say I didnt want to realise.
I fear that I couldnt convince Melvin and I have to face the world solely by my myself.
I am afraid to be a single mum.
I worried that my family couldnt accept me.
I am ashame of myself to have brought such a disgrace.
There are countless reason about myself of why I want an abortion, but none seems valid.

The situation was messy and my mind was so stirred up.
I dont know how am I going to break this news to my parents or how am I going to raise this baby up but everytime when I told myself not to gave the baby up, it felt so right.
In the end, I came up with a decision that even Melvin doesnt want this baby, I will live it up.
I made a phone call to Melvin around 3am and I told him " It either me and baby, or none"
I wish he could accept us but didnt expect him to do me any favour or must he marry me because it was partly his responsibility.
If Melvin were to deny his part, I wouldnt do the same and followed his say.
There are things you can run away from and no one will know.
But eventually when you realised by trying so hard to hide facts out of your own guilt, you are making yourself suffer.
Its a irreversible change, and I wouldnt want to suffer for the rest of my life fighting with conscience.
What works the best for others might not be meant for you.
When you can, it doesnt means you should.

School reopened the next day morning.
I followed the daily routine and took the same bus to school.
That day was absolutely cloudy for me.
Moodless and exhuasted, holding myself from puking due to first pregnancy trimester.
Bus was packed and crowded, I couldnt get a chance to peep at my phone til I alighted.
My phone rang, it was Melvin.
I answered relunctantly but I could hardly hear a thing because the bus interchange was too noisy, furthermore I couldnt bring myself to discuss anything with him and I hanged up the call.

And I saw
"60+ New messages"
"40+ Miss calls"
I started reading the first message and I burst into tears.
"I want our baby and I want to marry you... "
How sweet! I saw rainbows! My day was brightening instantly and it definitely made my first smile since I knew about pregnancy.
We could run away with all sorts of excuses, but we knew none were what we wanted.

We started arranging and planning for marriage.
It wasnt smooth and we met objections along the way, and I am glad we still make it through.
Now that I looked back, I am thankful to Evirna counselled me and I didnt make a choice where I know I'll definitely regret.
In fact, I am blessed to have found someone who is still willingly to love me and our baby so much, knowing there is so much to sacrifice.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Melvin is finally returning in 3 days time (:
20 days of serparation definitely makes the relationship fonder, I cant wait to be in my hubby's arms.
I am grateful that his friend is sending me to the airport as his flight would only land sg at 1am

I linked Evirna and I went to her blog!
I realised there are soooooooo many noble mummies of our age.
Some are mummies-to-be and some already gave birth!
Flipped through and read up the other noble mummies's posts.

It rang some bell, of the unhappiness
I din get to been through what a bride would normally do.
I have no honeymoon, no wedding photoshoot, let along a grand wedding dinner.
Mine was just a mini buffet by a community center where almost all the wedding preparation were done by me alone.
Til a point where I broke down and Melvin took out time from his NS and helped up.
I even get cold remarks from the relatives that I should consider aborting or should I not burden Melvin and bring up the kid myself.
After marriage, I deferred my school, stop all my part times and daze at home without my NS hubby by my side everyday.
I couldnt work my previous jobs anymore, no one wants a ambassador with a tummy.
Life is hard, even til now I still hear people claiming me a disgrace.
None went the way I want them to be, its absolutely heart breaking.

Since then, I wanna make a point here.
I accepted the facts that we will not lead a luxury life now and it gonna be real hard for us.
We started off with nothing and barely enough to start a family.
All we have is a determination to work it out.
In the future to come, I promised my baby will lead a better life than anyone who looked us down.
Whatever we attain in the future are credits to our hardwork.

I'm bliss to have married Melvin Chan, there is no wayI could find a better man.
I am thankful that my parents and my kins have been by my side from the start til now.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

I've been dota'ing recently.
I never thought I would be playing this kinda of games, its just not my kind.
Well, since my hubby loves this game, I dont mind spending some time to learn it.
Guess its a way I kill time too.

YES, MY TUMMY.
Thanks for your suggestion, else theres nothing I could blog about being stucked at home.
Heres a photo of my tummy ( 22.5 weeks)
Dont ask me why.
I have no idea why is my stomach so small when I am already in the 5th month of my pregnancy.
No doubts, I eat absolutely lots.
I am starting to feel hungry time to time and I aint kidding when I say I need at least two bowls of rice per meal.
My weight is increasing, but not exceeding 50kg.

Question is: " SO WHERE DID ALL THE FOOD I ATE GO?"

I seriously have no idea.
Hopes baby Mical is doing well inside mummy's womb.
And mummy so trying her best to stuff in as much food in, so please eat more Mical.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Baby Mical has a nose!
Finally saw it today.
Doctor even gave the close up photo of Mical (:

My sister and her friend came to pick me up and send me to KKH this afternoon.
HAHAHAHA, I am such a blur sotong.
I guess its true that preggie tends to be more forgetful.
My appointment supposed to be tomorrow and I went today!
I am lucky enough that I din have to wait very long for my turn, it came out to be pretty fast.

I had my first lunch at home, home cooked fried rice and after my appointment, I had my second lunch at marina united square Jack's Steak and Lobster Combo! SIS'S TREAT! =D
Then we went to bugis for our dessert at "Ji De Chi"
I had my dinner at home and I continued to watch my korean drama "Personal perference/taste"
Just when I saw the actress is having her dinner, I CRAVE FOR KOREAN DISH ):
I want kimchii!! Spicy raddish!!

Where can I get them at this time ):

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Order kfc 3 pieces chicken + zinger burger for dinner~
I am trying to restrain and not spend too much money on foood, but I couldnt hold the craving T_T

Going to KKH tomorrow again at 2pm to scan baby's nose~
Hope they wouldnt charge me fees for that.

I am glad hubby has landed tainan and reached his camp safely.
He did make afew messages and phone calls back to me (:
sweets.
but as he said, he will be entering the jungle soon and wouldnt be able to contact me.
God, please looks after my hubby! I promise I will not eat too much! ):

I arranged my room today and cleared up the mess alittle.
While unpacking my cupboard, I found my ex ex ex ex christmas present from my father in law (2007).
This photo was taken 4 years back when melvin's relatives and I went to Phuket for holiday.
My father in law printed out the photo and bought this cute photo frame with my name as christmas pressiee.
Nice eh? Even it trap too much dust on the shelf, but isnt it a waste not to display? (:

my new family ♥

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Hubby has set off to taiwan, and only be coming back on the 30th of September.
Hope he gonna be safe and sound.
Mummy Chan and baby Mical will be waiting for your return!

Aww~ I slept 15 hours since 2am last night!
Such a sleephead.
Usually when it comes to weekend, melvin will be shaking me and baby up and go gaigai together. ):
Aww~ Darling I miss you so much, come back soon.

Baby Mical's first piece of clothing, from xiao yee!
So cute can! Now Mical can show off his pigu with monkey monkey!
Comes with a matching piece of toy too!
Baby Chan is sure a luckily baby to be loved by so many people.
Be a healthy baby (:

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Not well.
I haven been feeling well since mailto:#!@#$%^$%#!@#$% monkey years ago.
Aint sure when it started, my body deteriorates physically to mentally stress.

Seen quite afew sinseh this holiday, spent quite a sum of money.
My appetite haven come back still and my body continue to deny orders from me.
Sinseh said, it started off with my interestine blablablablablablabla.
I used to think that sinsehs are super doctors, they know everything simply by listening to your pulse, however they couldnt cure the faults even though they have identified them.
Kinda disappointed, expensive and awful medicine couldnt make me feel better.
And now I am down with sorethroat and flu, trigger with heavy headache.
):


Seeking for comfort.